A peer-reviewed scientific study (1) has shown that a future city-wide climate conference will be ten minutes long, held in a favourite councillor wateringhole, and organised earlier in the afternoon via social media.

The study’s author, Marc Hudson (BA, BSc, PITA) told MCFly  “The first stakeholder conference, in 2010 was a day long, and there was about 140 days notice.  They’ve been getting shorter, with less and less notice. The latest one is 3.5 hours, and has only been given six weeks notice.  Once you take out people turning up late, getting a coffee and finding toothpicks to prop their eyes open while the keynote speaker delivers predictabilities, it’ll pretty much be time to slink off home.”

Asked about the methodology of his study, Professor (2) Hudson told MCFly, “We did a regression analysis and split-strike conversion strategy. Our results are startling – the 2016 conference may well be a ten-minute schmooze in a pub with the a couple of Environment Strategy Team interns and the deputy Executive Member for the Environment.”

Contacted via ouija board, Charles Keeling, the American scientist whose work on the rising levels of atmospheric carbon dioxide got his fellow scientists changing their trousers about human greenhouse gas emissions, told MCFly “Man, I cannot tell you how glad I am not to be around to see the fugly mess that’s coming. And you guys in Manchester have really fumbled the ball.  I kinda embarrassed for you.”

The Steering Group was not reached for comment at time of going to press.

Marc Hudson

mcmonthly@gmail.com

Footnotes

(1) Mr Hudson has a BSc (Hons). That, sort of, makes him a scientist.  He collected some data, and copy and pasted a graph.  That’s sort of science-y.  His co-editor, whom he considers his peer, reviewed it.  QED.

(2) Inflation, eh. What can  you do?