So, Private Eye does an “Old Testament ” gimmick that I thought I could stea… adapt.

The Book of Roger, Chapter 22, verses 2 -12

And the Hallamites sayeth unto the Sofa-ites and the Apathites “Surely ye shall perish in a fiery flood or flame – we’re not quite sure which – if you do not repent and join with us in displays of authenticity and merit.” And the Sofa-ites sayeth back unto the Hallamites “meh.” 

And unto the movement cameth the commuters, and there was great smiting and rending of cloth.

And surely, after a suitable repose, the Hallamites did returneth unto the fray. And the Sofa-ites, comfortable on their sofas, found that the Hallamites had in their time in the wilderness, come to doubleth down on their fire and their brimstone.

And the Hallamites proclaimed. “Look, we really mean it this time. And, behold, we hath a new analogy of the most enormous tendentiousness to fling in front of you.”

And a mightily exhausted prophet, neither a Sofa-ite nor an Apathite, came to the mountain top with the intent, more in sadness than in wrath, of heckling. And he sayeth back to them that were easily young enough to have been begat by him, except he had as a younger man sought out the hand of Vasec to stop up his loins. “Yeah, look, if this is another cherry-picked and selfeth-serving moment from the Authentic Black Civil Rights movement, well, ye can planteth thine lips on my ample hindquarters.”

And the Hallamites then interrupteth the insolent wretch and sayeth unto him. “Firstly, We find your lack of faith disturbing. Secondly, look, we proclaimeth ourselves to be the children of the children of the Freedom Riders, ‘kay?”

And the mightily exhausted prophet went from the scene, and sobbethed into his hands.

And the fire and brimstone predicted by the Hallam-ites did in fact arrive, but not quite on the timescale and in the manner to which they had prosyletised.