#Manchester: A Certain Future Annual General Meeting 2016: A great time had by all.

MCFly’s intrepid reporter Scott Templeton on yesterday’s simply wonderful event at the Town Hall. Read it and weep tears of joy…

  • In the Town Hall, very hot

  • Death by power point

  • Fewer chairs than last year.

  • Fewer people sitting in the chairs.

  • Richard Leese phoning it in.

  • We’ve done a strategy about something else, let me read to you from it.”

  • Line.

  • By.

  • Line

  • Better let both Universities talk now, mustn’t exclude. Marginalise. Annoy.

  • Have they got anything to say? Nope.

  • Next, Gavin Elliot. Chair, wide smile.

  • We’ll miss the 2020 target by what sounds like a little, but let me explain how it’s actually quite a lot.”

  • This graph shows that every other major city exhibits the same track record in greenhouse gas emissions as Manchester.”

  • <Thus proving the futility of this organisation’s existence.>

  • Now Johnny Sadler, long time council officer. First in, last out.

  • We have established Manchester Climate Agency CIC (MCCACiC).”

  • Because it was the right thing to do. Not because of cuts and austerity. Definitely not that.”


  • We’ve set up a community interest company (CIC) to get some funding. But not at the expense of existing organisations. Definitely not that.”


  • The words illegible, eyes straining, the message lost, unreadable.

  • Headache grows.

  • Good news on the 2020 target. We’re going to forget about it and set a much more challenging target for 2050. When we will all be retired and/or dead.”

  • We definitely did not set a target in the far distant future because all of us will be retired and/or dead by then. Definitely not that.”

  • Now, let me read to you from our 2050 Strategy.”

  • Line.

  • By.

  • Line.

  • Nearly the last slide, promise. Just a few more slides. Next one, nearly the last one. Stay with me, STAY WITH ME!”

  • PS We run out of money in April 2017. Please give generously.”

  • 30 fucking minutes. Time, ebbing, lost, never to be recovered.

  • Q&A panel: those who can, leave. Others, lost, immobile, empty: stay.

  • Panel: white, male, middle aged. Nothing to say.

  • How can we, what might we, err…..<trails in to silence>.”

  • The powerlessness of politicians laid bare.

  • The empty promise of neo-liberalism.

  • A cruel lie.

  • Don’t mention the fucking #Brexit

  • Leese, dead behind the eyes.

  • Here.

  • But not here.

  • Sadler, crushed under the weight of his own PowerPoint


  • Elliot, smiles.

  • Hides the tears well.

  • Soul crushed.

  • No need to be brave.

  • Let the sobs out.

  • Loud, long and clear.

  • Thanks for coming!” Polite applause, drinks reception.

  • The end.

  • See you all next year!”


About manchesterclimatemonthly

Was print format from 2012 to 13. Now web only. All things climate and resilience in (Greater) Manchester.
This entry was posted in #mcrclimateplan, Manchester City Council. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to #Manchester: A Certain Future Annual General Meeting 2016: A great time had by all.

  1. Tracy Neil says:

    Wow! Congratulations to MCC for hosting a meeting that, from the sound of it, was mind-numbingly tedious and yet excruciatingly painful at the same time!

  2. Mike Koefman says:

    Yes, not only boring, but devastatingly irrelevant to the issues, both local – Manchester, NW England etc – but also global. No mention of the basics – CO2 concentrations, sickening oceans etc – to a self-selected audience who assuredly would not have resented a bit of up-to-date climate science and ocean science. The Tyndall Centre has researchers with terrific gifts of exposition – Prof Anderson, Prof Alice Bows-Larkin among several – and they should have fronted the whole show. Instead we were subjected to an interminable science-free and technology-free ramble through a succession of banalities and virtuous wishes which had no relation whatsoever to actually achieving the aim of a zero carbon city by 2050. Technology got us into this mess, and only technology can get us out of it: yet we had TWO, not just one, University bigwigs on the platform, skirting the fundamentals which they alone among the speakers were qualified to explain. The suspicion must arise that Vice Chancellor Nancy and Professor Richard were nudged into a “Don’t talk about the (war!) technology!) stance – for fear of showing up the other mouthpieces.

  3. Sarah Irving says:

    I’d forgotten how hilarious (and terrifying) this post is. [Insert awesome person name here] is a comic genius and has far too much tolerance for shite meetings.

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